Hi all! I’ve been suffering from an enormous lack of motivation lately because of some stuff going on in my personal life that’s got me a little down. If you follow me on Instagram, you know that I’ve been doing a lot of coloring to get my mind off of my #firstworldproblems. Everybody’s seen adult coloring books; they’ve been trendy for the last few years. Everybody also probably is aware of the peace of mind that can come from sitting down for a good coloring session. You get focused on coloring these super detailed images, and don’t have to worry [as much, anyway] about your other problems for a little while. As far as self-care goes, it’s a great, easy, cheap option that you can do for as long as you want (or as long as your kid will allow, as the case may be).
Blah, blah, blah. I’m not the first one to talk about adult coloring books, and I won’t be the last. What I really want to share with you today is a specific category of coloring books: those catered to “bad” people. They make coloring books for moms, dads, and just other people that are, in some cases, downright horrible. Maybe not horrible. Naughty? In any case, deliciously horrible.
You see, everyone knows adult coloring books take you back to your childhood. They make you feel like a kid at heart. But you know what makes me feel like a kid at heart? Seeing the F word in print and getting to color pretty patterns around it. If you know me or know of me or have read my blog or have even seen me from a distance at the grocery store, you know that the F word is one of my favorite words. I throw it around like confetti. I’ve been trying to work on it for AJ’s sake, but…meh. Despite my hundred daily uses of the F word and other various four-letter words, there’s still something really special about seeing it in print. It still makes me giggle like a naughty schoolgirl reading a smut novel.
So without further ado, I present to you: the best adult coloring books for bad, irreverent moms, dads, and other humans.
Sweary Mandalas is probably my #1 favorite. You can see just from the cover that it’s not going to be your average coloring book, and the rest of it doesn’t disappoint. Phrases like “mosquitoes so big they could fuck a full grown turkey flat-footed”, “ass badger”, “shit pouch”, and numerous others are surrounded by mandalas varying from basic to intricate, just begging you to make them beautiful. Here are some of my renderings, should you wish to print them and hang them on your fridge:
Okay, so #MomLife just grabs me right away. Just the title is enough to make me want it. Unfortunately, there are no F words to be found in this one. But it’s not rainbows and butterflies! It’s got phrases like “Congratulations on your new vajayjay”, “no talkie before coffee”, “toddlers are assholes”, and “toddzilla: destroyer of worlds”. This one has some sweet ones thrown in, too, though, for you moms who proclaim, “There’s nothing bad about motherhood! My toddler isn’t an asshole! I don’t even like wine! My ruined vajayjay doesn’t matter!” I see you, and I see through you and your bullsh*t. But, if you insist on keeping up that facade, there are pages like, “I love you to the moon and back” and “#normalizebreastfeeding”. Okay, I can get behind those, too, but I’m really here for the more snarky ones. A few more of my original renderings:
#Momlife: Baby Journal Edition
While I do not personally own #MomLife: Baby Journal Edition, I will certainly add it to my registry next time around. What mom can do without it? Not I. I’m not sure what value it adds to the original, I just know I must have it. And so must you.
Wait, is that…could it be…Allen and Carlos from The Hangover?! Count me in. Okay, don’t count me in because I’m not a dad, but if you think I haven’t contemplated buying #DadLife for my husband then ultimately stealing it for myself, you’re dead wrong.
Maybe you’re part of a marriage, but don’t have children [Good for you. JK. Kind of.]. Or perhaps you are married and do have children but don’t want to think about them for a moment [Good luck]. You could try #MarriedLife on for size!
I do own this one, but I’m on the fence about Sweary Skulls. The drawback and benefit of this one is that all of the text on the pictures is in Spanish. This is a drawback if, like me, you don’t speak Spanish, but the bright side is that it would be easier to get away with letting children, co-workers, and other “respectable” people see it, assuming they also don’t speak Spanish. Plus, they still look pretty, even if you have to use Google Translate to figure out what they mean–and using Translate is so worth it to find out the delightful little phrases they have thrown in. Also, you can think of it as educational: it can teach you how to swear in Spanish! What a useful skill!
Find Your Own New Fave
You guys, there are so many more. I desperately want to, but I just can’t think of a way to fit them all in one blog post. Here’s a good jumping off point for your own unique finds, should you wish to pursue the subject further.
Don’t forget coloring utensils! I can say without a doubt that I prefer using gel pens over colored pencils. They make brighter, more vivid colors, plus of course it adds to the whole nostalgia effect; takes me right back to middle school. I use these. Bonus: they’re glittery. I can’t even handle it.
So there you have it! A small collection of the best worst adult coloring books available on the market. Will you go to hell for using these? Perhaps. But fear not, I will be there with you, happily coloring in the F word with my favorite sparkly pink gel pen.